Videos
Here you will find all of my awesome videos. They’re the best videos known to mankind, because I’m the most awesome human known to mankind. In fact, recent scientific studies have shown that I’m so awesome that 0.2% of the population wishes they were me, because the 99.8% of the people who don’t are mentally retarded and incapable of higher forms of thought. Anyway, enjoy my videos. Or else.
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To express my disdain for Christianity and Jesus Christ, I decided to play with my Jesus Dressup Magnets that I won from Normal Bob Smith. I won these magnets in a contest. The rules were simple. Record an awesome station ID. So I did. He has several different Jesus Dressup Magnet sets to choose from, and I chose the BDSM Jesus Dressup Magnets, because I’ve always wanted to put a buttplug in Jesus’ ass. Great times.
If you’re interested in buying his magnets, you can buy them at his website.
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Okay, here’s yet another short little video I did. It’s basically some guy running with trees and shit in the background. Not exactly an awesome concept, but it is totally awesome because I made it. Before long I will be an expert in 3D animation. I hope.
UPDATE
Upon much careful consideration, I’ve decided not to do any 3D animation until I get an awesome video card that can handle the rendering process.
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I’m still teaching myself 3D animation, and made one that’s a little more complex. The scene you’ll see is only about 4 seconds long, but took two and a half hours to render. Fucking ridiculous. I’d hate to see how long it will take when I actually do a five minute long animation…
In this video, I used two different programs. I used Autodesk 3DS Max 2009 and Vue 7 XStream. I used Vue 7 to render the sky and the ground cover, as well as the 3D lettering. And I animated it all in Autodesk. The reason you see a watermark on the video is because I’m using the personal learning edition of Vue 7. It’s free and fully functional, and I’d say a watermark over your video is a small price to pay for such an awesome program.
UPDATE
Upon much careful consideration, I’ve decided not to do any 3D animation until I get an awesome video card that can handle the rendering process.
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I came up with the idea to do some 3D animated shows, because I want to do something fancy for the website. Well, with the aid of Autodesk 3DS Max 2009, I have created my first little animation. It’s only a few seconds long, and took me about 1 hour to render. So even though it says that these shows will be coming soon, it might be a long while before I actually create a show, seeing as how this video alone took me over an hour to do, and it’s incredibly fucking simple.
UPDATE
Upon much careful consideration, I’ve decided not to do any 3D animation until I get an awesome video card that can handle the rendering process.
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My friends and I went on an incredible adventure, to see the World’s Largest Ball of Paint, in Alexandria, Indiana. Our goal is to eventually see every tourist attraction in Indiana, and maybe the surrounding states. I’ll be bringing my camera with me and recording it all.
A couple of years ago, I saw a video clip in which Tom Green went to see the Ball of Paint, and decided that I was going to go see it too. Well, two years later, I’ve finally accomplished it. Not only did I get to see the World’s Largest Ball of Paint, but I also got to paint it! The proprietor was incredibly nice, and he even held my video camera for me.
Oh, and Andrea, you’re just going to have to deal with the fact that you’re in the video. I couldn’t edit you completely out of the video. I’m sorry.
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I was invited by some friends to go to the Rocky Horror Picture Show in Lafayette. Well, not so much invited as forced against my will to go, because they’d bought my outfit to wear. I dressed as Janet. They apparently thought it would be funny to make me go in drag. Not only that, but if you dress up as a character in the movie, you get one whole dollar taken off your admission price. So, for those of you who have yet to send in your dares (remember, I’m doing that whole thing where you email me dares and I video tape them), this video is proof that I’m really not scared to do anything. I mean, I dressed up as a girl and went out in public for several hours! How many people do that?
It was lots of fun, especially because they had a bar! A bar! I got drunk and had a blast. It was more fun than I thought it would be. I had originally intended to record the entire thing and put it on the website, but the theater was so dark, I couldn’t film it. But I do have video evidence of my little excursion. It’s a pretty large file, so if you don’t have broadband, give up now.
I would also like to thank my friend Mikki for being the designated driver. She’s so awesome.
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I have magical powers! I was visited by Thor, the Thunder God, the other night, and he was all like, “Hey kid, you want some magical powers, and I was all like “Hell yes!” So he gave me the ability to control lightning and shit. It’s so awesome. I know some of you are a bit skeptical, so to prove that I really do have magical powers, I made a video!
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I have a friend who tends to get into all kinds of awkward sexual situations. She’s agreed to do her own show, describing her various sexual encounters. Here’s her first video. Her name is Joan. She’s from Arkansas. I call her Joan of Arkansas. Sorry. I couldn’t resist.
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I was feeling like a hippie, so I decided to write a social/political song, because that’s what hippies do. They also don’t eat meat. And they all smell like b.o. and patchouli and do nothing but smoke pot all day, all the while complaining about how evil all the major corporations are, but refusing to do anything about it other than whine and write stupid songs about it. Stupid hippies.
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This video was created in response to an asshole who decided to sully my awesome reputation by accusing me of being Ryan Kintz, the asshole behind Big Time Entertainment, a company that takes advantage of inexperienced musicians by making them book their own shows and sell their own tickets while BTE takes all the money (around $300-$400) and leaves you with about $30 to split with your band members. Apparently some guy downloaded a picture of me from my website and put Ryan Kintz’s name on it, making it look like I was him. I was pissed, because the idiot didn’t even bother to read my article, and just assumed that because the article’s title contained the words “Big Time Entertainment” that I was the founder of the company. I blame the school system for his utter stupidity.
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Ahh, Ramen Noodles. I love them. Sometimes. This is what I have to eat in order to keep this site up and running, because I’m poor and can afford nothing else. Just kidding. I eat steaks every night, and wash it down with a nice glass of Pinot Noir. At any rate, I decided to do a tutorial video of sorts, for my more stupid and poor fans. I hope you enjoy watching it as much as I enjoyed making it.
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This was going to be a series of videos, called “Life Really Sucks,” but I just never got around to doing any more episodes. That doesn’t mean that I’ll never do it. I’ll probably end up doing more episodes one of these days, whenever I feel like it.
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