This one comes from a Mr. Paul K. I’m not entirely sure whether to classify it as hatemail or fanmail. If it’s hatemail, it’s more subtle than the mails I’m used to receiving. I’m assuming that the Christian rock thing is a joke, because in no universe should the words “christian” and “rock” be used together in the same sentence.

what kind of music ARE you into? Besides christian rock?

Paul

Well, I live in a redneck state because I’m going to school here. And yes, I do harbor feelings of love for closeted redneck dudes who are into Nickelback. What else is there to choose from?

Wow! I don’t think I’ve had this much fun in quite a long time! Melissa Haley keeps emailing me, spouting her idiotic beliefs, drooling the entire time, I’m sure. Here’s what she just wrote me:

How do you know what happens when you die? Who told you it is wrong to rape and murder? I know what happens when people die and you know that it is wrong to rape and murder because God said so. Both of these things are written about in the bible. He made the laws that we abide by today. That little voice in your head that tells you steeling, rape, killing, adultary, and the acts of homosexuallity, etc. are wrong is God speaking to your heart. Before you say that God is a murderer let me just say that he created everything and he can destroy everything.

Here was my response:

Sorry, I’m going to have to call bullshit on everything you just said. I don’t kill people not because some magical sky fairy said it was wrong. I don’t kill people because it’s a pretty shitty thing to do to another human being. I refuse to harm people because I know that it’s a shitty thing to do to another person, and I certainly wouldn’t want it done to me. Your god has nothing to do with my morality.

I think I win this one.

Melissa Haley writes, in response to the article entitled “Mind Your Own Fucking Business!”:

“Mind Your Own Fucking Business! I’m tired of arguing with Christians!” You sounded annoyed back in June. If you didn’t want anyone in your business then why do you put it all over the internet. Your talking out both sides of your mouth. For someone so educated you would think you would realize just how stupid you sound. Profanity is the best way you can describe things. Wow! There is a dictionary full of better words to use. Frankly Ian, I’m shocked at you calling so many other people, I mean Christian people, stupid. We have been writing on your blog here alot and we haven’t had to use profanity

Seriously? Really? This is how she’s going to take me down? By pointing out that I use too much profanity, and therefore I must be stupid?

Well, if you would have continued to read any more of the blog, such as the entry I posted a few days ago, you’d know that I pretty explicitly stated that I don’t take this website seriously, and neither should anyone else. I pay money each month for the website, just like I pay money each month for World of Warcraft. It’s a hobby. I do it for fun. I just think it’s hilarious that people are even wasting their time commenting on anything I say, because I really don’t care one way or the other about anything I write about.

Just out of curiosity, how old are you, and where are you from?

I think it’s important to point out that my “business” certainly isn’t “all over the internet,” as she puts it. My “business” is only posted on my website, which I DO NOT ADVERTISE FOR. So technically speaking, this website is private. I’ve never once emailed anyone to tell them to come to my website. People choose to come to my website. My website has spread through word of mouth alone.

More to come, hopefully. This is fun!

Just so everyone is aware, I’ve been having lots of Christians commenting on my site. They’re not too bright, so it doesn’t really bother me. They’re not very good at insults, as their IQs are quite low. But I just wanted to bring to everyone’s attention the most recent comment I got, from some lady named “Melissa Haley.” Her original message is as follows:

I am going to pray for you. You need help from the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

To which I replied:

Yeah, a fat lot of good that’ll do me. You might as well tell me I need help from Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. All of them are imaginary.

Good luck with the whole praying thing. Hope it works out for you.

Then, not content to just leave it alone, she decided to write back to me once more:

God works in mysterious ways and he will work in your life too or you can choose to burn in hell. All I can do as a Christian is offer you the truth, but I can’t make you choose it. It’s as simple as that. The world is full of wickedness and you are a part of it. Do you have nothing good to say about anything? One day you will find out the truth. I hope for your sake it’s sooner rather than later.

melissa

Well, needless to say, I was a bit annoyed at this point, so I decided to totally let her have it, and point out the stupidity in everything she believes:

How can you have a heaven knowing that people are burning forever and ever in hell? If you can honestly say that you’d be perfectly content knowing that people are burning in hell forever and ever while you sit comfortably in your paradise, then you are an incredibly wicked individual.

Your god is an evil god. He kills innocent people in the bible, rather than just killing those who deserved it. He also demands blind submission to him, or he’ll make you suffer for eternity. If this is how your god is, I’d rather not have anything to do with him. He sounds like a psychopath.

She, of course, isn’t going to be swayed:

Yes it bothers me that people I know and don’t know will burn for eternity. I am commissioned as a Christian to tell about Jesus and how he died for me and all people who are sinners. I can only tell you this. No, I am not content! Why do think I am praying for you? What do you think happens when a person dies?

And my reply:

It bothers you that people are going to burn in hell for eternity? Or does it bother you that your god is such a vindictive asshole? As for what happens to a person when they die, I’ll tell you what I know. When a person dies, that’s it. No afterlife, nothing. Just oblivion. You go to the same place you were before you were born. Nothingness.

And before you say, “Well, if there is no afterlife, and there is no god, then what’s to stop you from murdering and raping people?” let me just let you in on a little secret: I (and just about every atheist) don’t kill or rape people because we know it’s wrong. We don’t need a god to be moral. If you think that you’d start raping and killing without your belief in god, then by all means, keep believing. People like that need their faith more than anything. But most of us don’t need the threat of eternal hellfire to keep ourselves from committing atrocities. It’s just common decency.

Melissa, you really should start thinking about the things you believe in, because, quite frankly, the things you say make you sound incredibly stupid, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to sound like a moron, would you?