Woe Is Me.

You know what I hate? I hate being poor. I'm so fucking poor, it's unreal. I'm poorer than homeless people. In fact, I owe homeless people money, that's how poor I am. I can't sleep at night, because I haven't paid my sleep bill. I have no fucking clue what that last sentence means. It didn't make any sense, but when you're as poor as I am, you probably didn't pay your coherent bill either. Holy shit I need to stop. This is getting ridiculous. Now I'm going to owe a ridiculous bill. Fuck!

What the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah, being poor. Being poor sucks. Because the only thing you can afford to eat is the only thing you want to avoid eating if at all possible. I'm talking about ramen noodles. I'm not going to capitalize the word ramen because ramen doesn't deserve any kind of respect. I'm just kidding. Ramen noodles are the shit, sometimes. You can make them in 90 seconds, and they taste of bland mediocrity, with just a hint of failure, which is a trait I look for in any food I'm considering consuming.

Watching the Food Network is torture for me. I'm sitting there, really fucking hungry, with nothing to eat but Ramen noodles, and they're talking about cooking these delicious-looking chicken entreés, with all kinds of delicious-looking sides with names I could never pronounce in a million years, and my mouth is drooling, and I want to stab the people who created the show, because they're torturing me, and for some reason, I believe whole-heartedly that it was their intention to make me suffer. Fucking Food Network bastards. I'm hungry.

If I have to eat one more fucking bowl of Ramen noodles, I'm going to cry. And not just cry, but sob hysterically, like that one bitch in that one movie I saw on Lifetime one lonely evening. Lifetime is the stupidest channel ever. I'm not sure what kind of personality it takes to be able to stomach the menstrual-fest that is Lifetime, but I'm pretty sure it's someone that I'd never be friends with in a million years. Because that shit really sucks. Every movie on that channel is about some stupid woman who gets beaten by her husband, probably because she deserved it, and then she cries about it to her friend, who goes and kills the husband, and then the chick who was getting beaten gets tried for murder, even though she didn't do it, and then the jury, in an act of compassion, decides to pronounce her "not guilty," and then everyone starts celebrating, and the woman starts crying yet again because she's so happy that she can finally carry on with her life as an independent woman with co-dependent tendencies that cause her to get into those kinds of situations in the first place. Yawn.

I guess there are worse things than having to eat Ramen noodles every day, after all. Whaddya know?