McCain for President!

This might shock all three of my fans, but I'm gonna come out of the closet. I actually hope Mr. John "Douchebag asshole piece of shit" McCain gets elected president.

"OHH NOOOOO!" the democrats scream. But wait, there's a reason why I want the old fart to win.

Admittedly, I am not a republican, by any means. Nor am I a democrat, or a libertarian, or any of that horseshit. I do not side with any particular political party, but of all the parties I have a problem with, republicans take the fucking cake. Which is why everyone I know is shocked that I'm endorsing McCain.

I'm endorsing McCain for one simple reason: I want the world to end. What better candidate to solve the world's problems (and by "solve the world's problems," I really mean, "destroy the world") than a republican? I mean, they've got Jesus on their side. Jesus, as we all know, is going to bring about the apocalypse pretty soon. Republicans, as we all know, are all about Jesus bringing about the apocalypse. The apocalypse, as we all know, is basically the end of the world, so logically speaking, we can assert that republicans will be the ones to bring about the end of the world.

As we all know, I'm a misanthrope that hopes the world will be destroyed, in the most horrific way imaginable, if possible. I don't like humans at all, because they're thieving, evil, stupid beings. As I'm sure you can imagine, given my disposition towards the members of my own species, I'm rooting for the guy that can do the most damage.

That man, my friends, is Mr. John McCain. He's a republican, with a female (we all know females are inferior to their male counterparts) vice presidential candidate, who happens to have a pregnant teenaged daughter (which I think is funny, really, because how is she supposed to keep an eye on the country, if she can't even keep her teenaged daughter from having unprotected sex?). That's a recipe for disaster, my friends, and that recipe has my vote.

I really hope that McCain will do as prophesied in the bible, before I go and waste another vote. I don't want another four years of Bush. I want another few months of horrible gas prices, followed by the trumpets of the four horsemen, followed by the obliteration of our shitty planet. And I'm gonna be pissed if the apocalypse was just a hoax. If it doesn't happen this time around, I'm suing the entire Christian Religion. And I'm not even joking. I'll sue them for false advertising. Fucking bastards.