I
hate the internet now. It used to be a place where smart
people could enjoy themselves. Now every fucking brain-dead,
drooling moron with an AOL disk, a dialup modem, and a pocket
full of dreams can use it. The Internet is being polluted with
these dreadfully stupid idiots. And since I'm a hyper text transfer
protocol-hugging environmentalist, I'm starting the "Clean
Internet Act" (CIA).
We
start by tracing the IP addresses of every person who posts
comments on various websites (because no self-respecting intelligent
person would be caught dead posting a comment about anything),
going to their house, and destroying their computers. Or their
Web-TV client (Yes, people still use it! Except now it's called
MSN-TV).
Or,
we could just delete the user. By killing them. Hahahaha! Yes!
I made a joke! Or did I?
The
easiest plan of all, however would be to nuke the internet.
For this, we need the cooperation of all people. What we need
to do is basically rm -rf the entire internet. Then
we can start all over again. But this time, we make a law stating
that in order to be able to use the internet, you need to take
an IQ test. Only those with IQs above 140 will be allowed to
use the internet. Chances are, if you're reading this, your
IQ falls somewhere below room temperature.
If
you don't believe that very many stupid people use the internet,
allow me to enlighten you. Take, for instance, this
quote I picked up directly from the internet:
| i
went to the drs. on tuesday morning adn i was extremely
nausa and and they did a pregnancy test but it came out
negative but the thing is that i have been on birth control
for the past month Yaz to be exact and i had sex the second
week i was on the pack with my boyfriend and i am supposed
to get my period this weekend since i am at the end of the
packet with the placbo pills and nothing has happend , and
it hasn't come yet and i have been having spotting all month
and no signs of my period which i am supposdly to get this
week since i started the white pills on tuesday of this
week adn no signs yet and i am extremely moody adn little
things just set me off
i'm
scared really bad at this point since if it does turn
out that i am pregant adn i start the pills again what
will it do to me adn i can't tell my parents then they
will kick me out of the house
|
The Genius of Miss Pregnant Teen.
As
you can tell from the above text, the writer (I use that term
loosely, of course) is a pregnant teenager who apparently has
never learned the joys of using proper grammar and spelling
to communicate efficiently. Do the world a favor, Miss Pregnant
Teen, and have an abortion. The last thing the world needs is
more idiots with reproductive organs who USE them, and USE them
frequently! Stop breeding, for the love of god!
Upon
further reflection, I've determined what Miss Pregnant Teen
looks like, based on the idiosyncracies of her writing and other
complex mathematical formulas that you probably would never
understand:
Miss Pregnant Teen.
This
is what the average person will look like in another 50 years
or so, if we continue to allow these "people" to breed
unchecked. They're kind of like stray cats and dogs. Except
we know what to do with cats and dogs who reproduce far too
often. We neuter/spay them. That leads me to my next tree-hugging
environmentalist act:
Shoot a Redneck For Christ (SARFC)
You
don't have to kill them. Just injure them badly enough that
they start looking over their shoulder so often that they have
no time to reproduce. Then, natural selection will run its course,
and we'll be free of these drooling idiots forever!
