Better Say It While I Can.

There's a joke I'd like to tell that some might find to be incredibly offensive and insulting, and due to the fact that our first amendment rights are being stripped from us, slowly but surely, I figured I ought to tell the joke while I still can. Thank god our country doesn't make ex post facto laws. Anyway, here's my joke:

I'm literally quite high right now. I'm writing this from the top of the World Trade Center. Just kidding. That thing got blown the fuck up! Hahahaha!

Oh no! I just made a joke about something horrific! Call the president! Call Oprah! Holy shit!

I was walking down the street the other day, when I saw this old guy, shuffling along in much the same way zombies do, and I was horrified. So I snuck up behind him, picked up a rock, and started bashing his fucking face in, until blood and brains coated the pavement. Then I set his body on fire, and pissed on it, just for fun. Then, when I got incredibly bored with that, I threw his brainless, piss-soaked corpse into traffic, where he was mauled repeatedly by several large, gas-guzzling SUVs, you know, the kind that are responsible for our horrific gas prices.

Did I mention I hate niggers?

So this one time, when I was in sixth grade, we had this kid who was "special" and by "special," what I mean to say is, he was fucking retarded. Well, at any rate, one day he was called up to the front of the class, which I would normally view as the highlight of my day (because making fun of retards is just my kind of thing), but this day, oh, this day was different. On the way up to the front of the class, he just had to shit his pants. And what row did he just have to walk down? Mine, of course. As I got a whiff of his dishonorable discharge, I began to gag, and it was at that point I did what any normal kid in my position would have done: I kicked him in the balls (don't want the likes of him reproducing, if you know what I mean), set him on fire, then pissed all over him. Then I gave him an Ultra Wedgie, making sure to smear his fecal matter all over his face. Then I laughed. I laughed and laughed. I was suspended for two days, but whatever. It's not like I really wanted to go to school anyway.

Why did the nigger cross the road? He didn't. He was too busy smoking crack. Hahaha! I can still say nigger, right? I mean, it's not against the law, or anything, is it? Didn't think so.

Nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger nigger. Nigger nigger. Nigger nigger nigger. I like that word for some reason. It rolls gently off the tongue, and it's just a fun word to say. Let's see how much "trouble" I get into for saying this word. It'll be neat.

You know what I hate? I hate it when you're fucking some dude up the ass, and when you pull out, you have poop all over your dick. It's incredibly annoying, and quite the mood killer, if you know what I mean. What really sucks is when you're fucking some dude up the ass, and you didn't know he was lactose intolerant before you force-fed him all those white russians, then just before you're getting ready to pull out, he shits all over your dick, and not only that, but it's diarrhea. Fucking disgusting.

I'm constantly wiping my ass. There are only three things I"m afraid of in this world. Losing my teeth, losing my hair, and having shit stains in my underwear. So I wipe my ass constantly, because I'll be damned if I'm going to allow my underwear to accumulate skid marks. It's really awkward at times, especially when I'm with friends, because I'm constantly excusing myself to go to the bathroom to wipe my ass. I thought about wearing a tampon, so I don't have to worry about wiping my ass so often, but then I realized that tampons aren't very manly. Real men use toilet paper.

Just making sure you're still awake out there.