Drugs Are Cool.

I hate crack heads. Crack is so stupid. It doesn't even get you high. It doesn't really do anything, except turn you into a government leech. I don't know why anyone even uses crack. I guess people use crack for the same reason people use religion. I would consider both to be drugs, and not very good ones either.

I tried doing crack once, and I had the overwhelming urge to contact the local welfare office and apply for food stamps. Then I felt the urge to go rob a convenience store. Fortunately for everyone, my will is much stronger than crack, and I abstained from either of the aforementioned actions. I didn't even get high from crack! All it did was make me want to mooch off the government and feel sorry for myself. Stupid crack heads.

For those of you who would like to quit crack, might I suggest a plethora of other drugs that are much better? For instance, there's heroin. Heroin, unlike crack, actually gets you high. We're not just talking standard high, we're talking "Oh my god I'm so fucking high I love everyone and want to give everyone a big hug and nothing's wrong with the world and I love everything and I love you and I love the carpet in your house and where did I put that sandwich oh never mind I'm really not all that hungry anyway" high. I do heroin every day, because it's part of a healthy breakfast. It's chock full of vitamins and minerals that do wonders for the body and mind. The only drawback is you'll feel the overwhelming compulsion to sleep. But sleep isn't a bad thing. People don't rob convenience stores in their sleep...

Another great drug to try is Xanax. It's fucking fantastic. It's an anti-anxiety medication that does exactly that. And more. It gives you an incredible high (if you eat enough of them), and makes all your problems disappear! You might feel a little sleepy, but everything just seems great. People who normally get on your last nerve just don't bother you anymore. In fact, nothing bothers you. You're too high to care.

For those of you who are looking for a more speedy high, forget meth. Meth is very dangerous. Meth is about as dumb as crack. Don't do it. It's stupid. If you're looking to get a speedy high, don't ask me. I hate speed. I'm more of an opiate/benzodiazepine type of fellow.

Rather than write an entire essay on what drugs are good for you, let me just make a list.

* Marijuana
* Heroin
* Xanax (A Palindrome! Neat-o!)
* Klonopin
* Vicodin
* Norco
* Morphine
* Valium
* Methadone (Feels like heroin, none of the addiction!)
* Ketamine
* Psilocybin (Found in mushrooms growing on cow shit. Yummy!)
* Dextromethorphan Hydrobromide (Found in various cold medicines.)

If everyone in the world were to take one or more of these substances, it would make my life a whole lot easier. Because while under the influence of these chemicals, people won't be inclined to be such assholes. So, everyone who is reading this, take a healthy dose of each of these chemicals every day, and you'll find that the world is much, much easier to bear. At least, I do, anyway.

*Note: If you take what I just wrote seriously, and actually take all of these drugs and die, don't blame me. You're the dumbass who follows the advice of some random stranger on the internet.