Irritability

August 08, 2012

Irritability sucks.

Today my boyfriend and I went to go see his parents (I consider them to be my parents as well, as they have done so much for us) to have dinner and kinda just hang out for a bit. Normally I like going over there. Not that I didn't like going over there today, but it just seemed that everything was getting on my nerves today. I've analyzed the situation, and I've discovered a couple of possible causes.

For one, I haven't gotten much sleep the last few days. We have a mated pair of parakeets, and normally they don't bother me much, but the last few days they've been chirping like crazy at the crack of dawn, causing me to wake up. Loud, high pitched noises hurt my ears, and once I'm awake, I'm awake for the rest of the day. I can't go back to sleep, no matter how tired I am.

A second possible cause is Facebook. Not Facebook itself, but a particular post that was made by some conservative in the media who was trying to stir the pot and divide the nation even further with hate. This conservative claimed that Gabby Douglas has been attacked by the "liberal" media for her belief in God. I searched and found nothing supporting that claim, which really irritated me, because I can't stand it when people make shit up in order to start shit with a particular group of people.

This post caused all these stupid redneck morons to start spouting all kinds of stupid bullshit, like "Fuck the liberals, I hope they burn in Hell!" and "Those liberals are at it again, persecuting us Christians for our beliefs!" That really set me on edge, because not once, EVER, have I heard the "liberal" media attack Christians for their belief in God. Their hatred and bigotry and intolerance toward certain groups of people (read: homosexuals) maybe, but never their belief in God. Not to mention that Christians are the majority in this country, so Christians playing the persecution card is like white people playing the race card. It doesn't make a goddamn bit of sense.

Well, the old me would start attacking them verbally, calling them idiots and retards, so I decided this time I'd go a different route. I'd throw the bible at them. I posted this:

@Christians: Stop and think about what you're saying and doing. Would Jesus approve of your hatred and intolerance toward your fellow humans? Jesus hung out with the sinners, not the saints. In fact, he despised the pious and those with holier-than-thou attitudes. Jesus said to turn the other cheek. Even if you think you're being persecuted (which you're not), you should turn the other cheek, as Jesus commanded.

You know what they did? They reported that shit as spam, thus blocking me from participating in the rest of the debate. That really pissed me off. My message essentially boiled down to "can't we all just get along?" and they persecute me for saying that. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

So I said to myself, "Fuck them, let them have their stupid fucking argument. I'm not going to let this ruin my day." And I promise you, I really had no intention of letting it ruin my day, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. And the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me. The more it bothered me, the more I thought about it. It was a vicious cycle and I couldn't get out of it.

So I'm pretty sure that's why I was sort of cranky today. But as much as I wanted to, I did not go back out and use. Trust me, I really wanted to. I had that "Oh, fuck it" attitude all day today. But every time I thought about using, I forced myself to think of all the bad shit that came along with it, and where I ended up when I was using before I got clean. That definitely kept me from going back out and using.

And if this is how Christians conduct themselves in public as well as in private, then this is not a religion I want to be a part of. I don't want to be a member of a religion that discourages critical thinking.