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There are just so many gods to choose from. But when deciding which god to trust with your everlasting soul, where do you turn for advice? I’ve looked and looked, and there are absolutely no sources of unbiased information regarding these gods. So instead, I’ve decided to make an application. The thousands of gods that have existed throughout the entire history of mankind now have the ability to fill out an application to apply for the job of “Caretaker” of your everlasting soul. Below is the application.
1. Name: _________________
2. Date: _________________
3. Social Security Number: _________________
4. DOB: _________________
5. What qualifications, if any, do you feel make you the best possible candidate for the position? _________________
6. Work History: (If you need a separate sheet of paper, attach it to the application.) _________________
7. Education: (If you need a separate sheet of paper, attach it to the application.) _________________
8. Within the last sixty (60) days, have you, or any members of your household received any form of government assistance? _________________
9. What is your favorite color? _________________
10. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? If yes, please give details of the crime. (Do not include traffic violations.) _________________
11. Age of Holy Texts regarding you as a deity: _________________
12. Please list all (if any) miracles you have performed for the betterment of mankind: _________________
13. Are you a loving deity, or a deity with destructive tendencies? _________________
14. How many prophets do you have? Please list their names and the dates they served you: _________________
15. What is the meaning of life? No more than 250 words, please. (Please write on a separate sheet of paper.)
Please note that by filling out this application, you are in no way guaranteed a job. If we feel you are qualified, we will call you to set up an interview. Failure to appear for your interview automatically disqualifies you for the position.
hahah. i smiled when i read that. and now i’m late for school X(
I’m glad your angry though. I’m sick of people trying to convert me, and I’m sick of being told I don’t understand enough about xianity to understand~ what do you know about atheism? Why is it that there is always enough time for you to educate me on the intricities of christianity, while when it’s my turn to explain, suddenly you can’t even bother letting me form a complete sentence without interrupting me and shaking your head angrily, eager to educate me even more about the glory of fucking jesus. apparently *I* don’t understand, but at least I can listen to society’s bullshit without completely shitting myself. The problem is not only that Christians don’t *understand* enough to make an educated decision, but even more basically that they are inapable of even *listening* without cutting me off. so that’s why i’m angry too XP
Of course I have a low opinion of god. He doesn’t exist. And what’s the shame in having a high opinion of myself? I’m awesome. It would be stupid to have a low opinion of myself. I’m sorry you suffer from low self-esteem, but that doesn’t mean that everyone else has to suffer as well.
My advice is for you to find a therapist. You need to work on that low self-esteem, buddy.
In case of a tie you will be required to answer a skill testing question:
I have:
A low opinion of god, AND
A high opinion of myself
Who am I?