Hey guys! You wanna know what’s really cool and hip? Getting to know Jesus! He’s so super amazingly awesome! I just want to be with Jesus ALL THE TIME! I LOVE JESUS! LOLOLOLZ!

OMG! IT'S JESUS! LOLZ!

If it weren’t for Jesus, I would probably rape and kill people all the time, because what’s the point of life if Jesus doesn’t exist lololz? The fact that I don’t do all those things that atheists do all the time proves that Jesus is real! He’s real! He’s real! He’s real lolololz! Praise Jesus shahalahalamaldalafala. I was just typing in tongues! OMG! Jesus, you’re so awesome!

Also, I’d probably have all kinds of sex with those evil homosexuals if Jesus didn’t exist! Because if Jesus didn’t exist, I wouldn’t have morals! I mean, atheists are stupid if they think they can be good without Jesus! Those silly atheists! I mean, come on! Duh! You can’t be good without God! They’ve even done scientific studies on it, and all scientists agree that God exists and that morals can’t exist without God! Duh!

Plus, everything in the Bible has been proven true by scientists! It’s true! Just go to Answers In Genesis! All the real scientists work for that website! They’ve proven everything in the Bible! How amazing is that? OMG! LOLOLOLOLZ! *drool*

I’m just so excited to have Jesus inside of me! He’s like super cool! I can’t imagine life without Jesus, and doing everything Jesus tells me to do like a good little sheep! Because the Bible tells us all that we are God’s sheep, and he is our master! We’re sheep! Just think about that! We are meant to be God’s sheep, to do everything he tells us to do! In fact, right now Jesus is telling me to go get something to eat! LOLOLZ! *drool*

I just wish everyone could see the true majesty and glory that is our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He is King, he is Lord, we bow to him! Oh, guide us, Lord, we are lost! We need you to give us guidance! We know it’s a sin to think for ourselves and to have our own opinions and a thirst for knowledge and truth! It’s evil! Please help us remain willfully ignorant! In Jesus’ name I pray unto you. Amen.