If I were given the opportunity to have just one, and only one, magical power, I would choose shape-shifting. I would have to clarify by saying “the ability to shape-shift at will, and to shape-shift whatever objects are in my possession as well.” I don’t want to change back to myself and find myself naked. That’s all I’m saying.

This power would be so awesome, because if I ever wanted to hide from someone, I could turn into a rock, or a speck of dust, or a cat, or anything I felt like changing into at the time. It would allow me so much freedom. Also, I wouldn’t ever have to work, because I could always turn myself into an animal and steal groceries. What are they gonna do? Arrest a dog? I don’t think so.

The main thing I’m interested in, however, is hiding from people. I hate being around people, and I greatly value any amount of alone-time that I get. I love being alone. I’ve always been a loner. I was that weird, artistic kid in school that everyone avoided because he ate paste from time to time, all because he was curious to know what it would be like to be an alien from planet Xarquon XG-12 who could only eat paste. Yes, I think of things like this. No, they don’t make a bit of sense.

I want to hide from people because they frighten me. I’m afraid of people, because they’re stupid. Stupid people, especially when in large groups, are incredibly dangerous. I don’t like to be around danger, so I tend to avoid it like the plague. Which is why I avoid people. Most of them are stupid. They believe that a magical man in the sky is watching everything they do, and if they fuck up, they’ll go to hell. What scares me about that is that they’re only being good because they fear some sort of eternal retribution from said magical man in the sky. Whatever happened to being good for goodness’ sake?

People who know me think that I hate the world, and that I hate everyone in it. This is not true. I’d say I’m scared of everyone in it. I’m afraid of them. Because they do not know how to think. These people scare me because they’re actually excited about the Apocalypse. They’re actually looking forward to it. I might talk about killing myself from time to time, but I’m nowhere near as morbid as these freaks. And people think I’m the weird one?

I feel as if I’m one of the only sane people left on this planet. I feel like I’m in some extraordinarily strange dream, that none of what I see on a daily basis can be real. I keep wanting to wake up, but can’t. I’m trapped in a nightmare. This is why I want the ability to shape-shift. It would allow me to hide, to stick my head into the proverbial sand, if you will. I just want it all to go away.