I bought some soaps, because I’m such a fag, and was amazed at the warning labels that I found on the backs of these soaps. Well, it was one warning label, but repeated for each individual soap product. Yes, I bought a package of soaps. Yes, I realize it’s pretty gay. But in case you don’t believe me about the warning label, here’s a picture.

People Are So Stupid.

As you can see, the entire thing is pretty fucking stupid. I mean, really? Do we really need so many warning labels? And if so, why? Are the people we’re trying to protect even really worth the printing costs? In the Real World, animals that are too stupid to survive usually don’t. We call this Natural Selection.

I say we get rid of all the fucking warning labels, and everyone’s right to sue. If you are too stupid to figure out that bleach is not a suitable substitute for salt, do you really deserve to live? I mean, come on! And if you’re drinking bleach just so you can sue the company who makes it for not warning everyone of the dangers of consuming bleach, you deserve to die. I’m sorry. This shit has got to stop.

Everyone who’s out to make a quick buck, you need to fucking die. I hate you. What about me? Where’s my lawsuit? Huh? Huh?? HUH??? I don’t get to go around suing everything in my path! And you know what? I’m horribly jealous! Now that you assholes have finally made it necessary to include warning labels on soap, for fuck sakes, I now have nothing to sue for. Seriously, who’s the asshole that ate a fucking bar of soap? How did this happen?

I’m not sure whether I’m horrified, or impressed. Maybe a little of both. Congratulations, soap-eater. You’re either very stupid, or very fucking evil and greedy. You know what amazes me though? There’s still one last thing that hasn’t had a warning label slapped on its side. You know what that is? Your average, garden-variety soda can. Seriously. They have warning labels on soap, but not soda cans? Soda cans are way more dangerous for your health than soap. Soap doesn’t cut you up from the inside out. Soda cans do. If you eat them. I think I have my lawsuit…

Just kidding. I’m not out for a quick buck. And besides, I have more self-respect than that. I say we get rid of all the warning labels on everything, and let natural selection take its course.